Things About Today

I am not readjusting well, y'all. Today I used the excuse that I was off of my thyroid medicine for four days and it will take me awhile to rebuild my energy, which Josh bought, but I am not sure what I will use tomorrow. I go through these phases, a couple times a year. I wander through my house and stare at things. I could fold all of that laundry. I could vacuum my floors (again). I should wash my windows. But I do nothing. I wander from room to room and do nothing. At least today I got dressed and drove to the post office. It felt like nothing since there was one boring letter from the IRS and nothing exciting. I visited a friend and gossiped until my back hurt from standing, and then I came back and did more of nothing. I guess I did a couple loads of laundry. And helped Aspen go through her clothes and clean her room a little. That was overwhelming and I was forced to take a nap afterward. I looked at a recipe for orange marmalade, thinking I would use this pile of questionable looking oranges I brought home from the fires. But I didn't make it. I feel so uninspired. I have sat down with my computer three times to think of something poignant to say, so that I can feel like at least I waxed eloquent today, if I have done nothing else, but I ended up wandering through Monica and Serge Bielanko's blog and was much happier. I feel caught - in between something and something else, but I can't identify either one. Fire season and school? Cleaning and remodeling? Summer and Fall? My sweatpants are too hot and my shorts are too cold and everything else makes me feel REALLY FAT. Therefore, bed is the best place to be. Or in the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards over and over, looking for something that isn't there. I have been waiting impatiently from meal to meal today, anticipating something to eat that will appear out of nowhere. Apparently the fire caterers didn't follow me home. I tried to make tuna for lunch, but we had no tuna.  So then egg salad, but no eggs. Finally I found some canned chicken to make chicken salad, we had no mayonnaise. No bread, no vegetables. Nothing. I made chicken salad with creamy italian dressing. It was weird but the kids ate it. Or Josh did. He ate dinner left overs for brunch, which was slightly disorienting when I shuffled out of bed at 9:30 am and he had a plate of BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. It was like I had accidentally slept through the day. But he did make me coffee and it was really good coffee.

I just feel... OFF. How do I get back on? It doesn't help that I still have a lingering cough, and maybe a teeny bladder infection, among my usual afflictions, but I can't seem to find a reason to get motivated. I am un-animated. Maybe I need some socialization. Or a drink. I haven't had a good solid drink yet. Maybe it really is my thyroid. Maybe it's depression because I gained ten pounds and my face is all broken out. Maybe I am not getting enough caffeine. Or enough naps. I definitely need to get my heart rate up, get moving, but I can't think of a good reason to. Maybe I just needed a couple days off and tomorrow I will wake up ready to kick the day in the bum. Maybe.

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